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4May/010

like music to my ears

it's been four days already and yet we havent had the talk yet. i guess it will just happen one day. pretty soon though. 10th may and he is going back. so whatever happens, it has to happen before that day. that leaves 6.. rather 5 days. will that decision happen all of a sudden too ? i mean.. would it also be unexpected [but very much desired and sought after] ? will one person [who knows.. maybe i'll surprise myself] take the lead and take us one step forward ? [but that takes courage.. lots of it] or will both parties avoid the matter for as long as possible [i sure am] even though both know it is better to resolve and explain things/situations/feelings asap.. one would regret not doing so after losing the other.

but i do have a problem with telling others whats really on my mind. i dont know.. i'm just scared of telling someone the stuff stored here [*me taps brain*] i would not lie.. but sometimes i would with-hold information that, if revealed, might change the other party's opinion/decision. nothing serious though. or maybe i just _think_ it's nothing serious. one would never know. i just follow my conscience and do what it tells me to do. also, maybe i just dont want to be hurt and so i always try to not commit myself to anything/anyone. but....

Failure is never quite so frightening as regret

so i should atleast try. but the thing is.. i do not want to ruin whats already there. relationships [with friends, relatives, parents, the world] are fragile things and can become ugly very fast. a relationship is like a tower made out of toothpicks. push or pull too hard and the tower will come down. and no matter how hard you try, it will never be the same again. so when given a choice of doing something, and bracing myself for the outcome, or doing nothing, I've been opting for the latter. for almost a year now.

"How come you never do anything for yourself ?"

I, accidently, spilled some pepsi on the keyboard last night. yes.. this is the second keyboard which has been ruined [albeit not as much as the one before] due to pepsi. this time only the "J" key got fux0red. last time it was ~5 different keys that became very hard to press and eventually stopped working. One doesnt use the J key that often so hopefully this will not be a major problem.

what have i been upto ? oh you know.. stuff. i have a lot on my mind that i want to write about.. but its just too late right now. 244 am and haveta get up early tomorrow. and also am not sleeping on my bed.. have guests over and so there are two ppl already asleep in my room. so imma gonna goto sleep too [in front of the comp yay]

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