Author: sikander

this following emoticon sums up my attitude through out the test: :D

two things have been brought to light since the last time i wrote. they are as follows.

1) the pest is a worse human being, if you can call him that, than i thought. his character is identical to that of a leech. apparently he is in our (notice the use of “our” instead of “my” … explanation follows) class. yet he hasn’t attended a single lecture. this pernicious knave skips classes and then, presumably, gets the notes from the lady in blue. what a waste of matter >:(

2) my eternal and unspoken pledge of allegiance has been accepted. i am no longer an anonymous person floating aimlessly in the mass of humanity on this planet. i have successfully become a unique individual with a name and a face. although i haven’t heard her highness say my name, i am confident that my status in her eyes has been lifted from ‘a mere insignificant mortal’ to ‘an acquaintance’. ‘a friend’ is perhaps wishful thinking.. it’s never good to push your luck. or you be the judge. when the goddess arrived in class for the test, she was followed by the knave. she walked up to where i was sitting and then without a look at him she sat down beside me (hence my pervious usage of “our” instead of “my”). my insides jumped, something heavy banged against the left side of my chest, the brain declared an emergency, and the amount of blood i carry in me doubled in order to try to get everything back to normal. i turned, greeted, wondered aloud if the TA would let us sit side by side, and then said, ‘oh who cares’ and started talking.

the above two events were too much for me to handle in less than 2 hours. i finished my test in about 20 minutes, went over the answers, looked towards my right, met her gaze, flashed a smile, and left the classroom after handing the TA my answer sheet.

today was a glorious day.

well that was extremely easy. although the alien excrement was still present, i did not hesitate to casually stroll up to and enter the general vicinity of the goddess. when i realized that she was bestowing her gaze upon the pest, hey goddesses are known to be extremely kind, the wimp in me yelled, “run, get out of here, shoo shoo” while the rest kept trying to impose martial law and dictate all my actions.
i extended my right hand and touched the royal left elbow. i was willing to get scorched to death if that were the punishment for having the tenacity audacity to lay mere mortal hands on divinity. but i live !

so, what does one say after being touched by an angel (please ignore who initiated the contact). a hello, a pledge of eternal allegiance and servitude, a bow, a formal introduction, a speech, a dance… what ? since i had already trespassed across boundaries and had made physical contact, i decided to go all the way and uttered the majestic first name with a question mark. there is always the risk of having one’s tongue ripped out as penance for a common man uttering a sacred noble name but why bother being cautious at this point

where there’s a will, there’s a way. after confirming the name, which i’ve already mistaken twice in the past, we had a charming little conversation about the upcoming test. we talked as we headed down the stairs and then i got an enthusiastic GOOD LUCK wish with a thumbs up. (cue memory of aya twirling around in a black skirt holding book and binder in hand and saying ‘wish us luck’). and then she was gone. happy happy joy joy

i haven’t been able to confirm the identity of the bothersome human who joins her after class. he had enough brain cells to realize that he should keep quiet during my audience with the goddess. if he hadn’t done so i would’ve taunted him severely.

throughout the last one hour of the class part of my mind kept contemplating on how to approach a goddess to say hello. especially when said goddess is already being worshipped and idolized by an unworthy, inutile, lowlife pest of a human being. do i initiate the dialogue that will, or should i say might, lead to ‘oh yeah, you were in my class last term and we talked for a few minutes’, or should i realize my place in the Great Order of Things and await a miracle; the goddess stooping down from her throne to acknowledge my humble existence. in any case, after repeated revisions, i had formulated a plan that was bound to succeed. how can a goddess reject one of her humble underlings yearning to serve.

the time for the execution of the plan drew near. i turned off the alarm i had set on my cellphone for 09:55 so i could pack my bag and leave instantly. i packed my bags. the professor dismissed us…. and i walked out of class… and there he was… my nemesis… that lowlife pest… that…. arggh, words fail me… there he was, standing outside the class, awaiting the Grand Entrance of the goddess into his worthless, insignificant, and useless mortal life.

crushed, disillusioned, but not yet defeated, i decided to resort to plan B, the one that includes a miracle. down the stairs i went and then positioned myself in front of the last step of the stairs where the vending machines are. it took my time to take out the petty change i had in my back pocket and then slid them one by one into the coin slot. a lovely aroma in the air and the sudden slowness in the sounds and pace of life in the corridor informed me that the goddess had made her entrance and was descending the stairs. a faint abominable scent told me the pest was here as well. down they went, the coins and the goddess. as she descended the last step the vending machine delivered my purchase. i kneeled, humbled by her presence, to pick up the bottle. she passed me by.

miracles do not happen in the 21st Century. i am a sad panda.